Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
