We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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