i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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