walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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