Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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