Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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