He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
