...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
