Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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