In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
