I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
