somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
