I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
