:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize