When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
