Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
