okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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