They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
