Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
