The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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