I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
