so that wasnt chicken after all
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
