Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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