At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.