Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.