I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.