last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
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I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
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She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.