i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
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He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
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Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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