There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on