dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.