I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
