did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
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A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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