it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
