what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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