i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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