Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
