The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize