I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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