Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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