Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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