i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
