who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
