you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
