Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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