whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
