Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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