dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize