I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
