Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
