there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
