Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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