No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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