he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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