At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
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apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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