Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."