I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?