just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
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Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.