Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.