"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
