Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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