I think I died a long time ago.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
