we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
