Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
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he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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