I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
