How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
