**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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