If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
