My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
