What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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