I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The air was thick with penises
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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