Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
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i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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