he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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