if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
