Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
