She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
