You smell like stripper and shame
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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