I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
