That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
be right there i have to get my cape
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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