dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i love accidental penises.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
