So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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