I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
