hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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