My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
