is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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