I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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