i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
