We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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