the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
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I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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