did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
