I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
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Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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