oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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