Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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